The secret to love that lasts
Have you ever been in one of those relationships where you think you’re doing everything you can to please your partner but they still feel frustrated and unloved? You’re giving them compliments, you work hard all day to bring home the bacon and pay the bills, you give them gifts and you even do some chores around the house but they’re still feeling unloved.
“What more do they want?”
The clue to the answer lies in love languages. Everyone gives and receives love in different ways. The reason why they aren’t feeling loved is that you’re not speaking their love language. The concept was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.
Primary love language or the way individual expresses, understands and receives love may fall into one of five categories:
1. Words of Affirmation
All of us want to hear compliments and meaningful words such as “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” from our beloved ones. If you discovered that this is your partner’s love language — make sure you vocalize your feelings by giving them genuine compliments for no apparent reason and telling them how much you appreciate them. Speak your love out loud and show how you care. Express your feelings face-to-face or write them a letter.
2. Quality Time
Undivided attention with the TV off, muted mobile phone and no distraction is what makes this type of person feel loved the most. Quality time also means sharing quality conversations and quality activities. Learn to listen better, make eye contact more, and spend uninterrupted leisure time with them instead of being stuck at the office or glued to your Netflix. You don’t have to do anything special. You don’t have to go buy an expensive vacation to Bali. All you need to do is reserve spaces in your schedule for your partner. You could have a cup of coffee at Madal cafe together in the morning, plan a picnic date to Margaret island or Normafa once a week, take a walk together around Parliament, or enjoy a beautiful sunset from the Fisherman’s Bastion.
3. Receiving Gifts
Sure we all like getting gifts. But this type of person LOVES receiving gifts above all else. Gifts to them mean everything because it shows the love, thought and effort that went into the gift. The cost doesn’t matter, it’s the thought. It can be as simple as The Box Donut’s sweets or flowers from the “Virág” store you’ll see on the street. Keep a running list of gift ideas (it will be your best friend on holidays and anniversaries). Remember small things matter in a big way.
4. Acts of Service
This love language is for people who believe that actions speak louder than words. Chores around the house or errands that ease the burden of responsibility are the key characteristics of this love language. This can be as simple as taking out the trash, making breakfasts in bed, doing groceries in Spar. The chore itself doesn’t matter. It’s the message that counts.
5. Physical Touch
No, this doesn’t necessarily mean sex. Spend time with your partner by holding hands while sitting together at the riverside, cuddling at the top of Gellért Hill, or kissing between metro stops.
Still can’t identify their love language? Ask them to take a quiz on https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/.
Find your partner’s love language and speak it.
xoxo
By Dilya Abisheva
